The Fallen are Always Caught
by CitrusCity
Summary: To Sirius, the winter holidays were too filled with love, lust, and melodrama. He blames this on Remus’ tendency to be too attractive, James’ dramatic professions of love, and Lilly’s stubbornness –SBRL JPLE-
1. Chapter 1: Loneliness and pranks

Lilly Evans knew that Justin Lions was angry with her. She could tell by the red splotches on his cheeks, the angry way that his lips were pressed together, and the way his typically smooth and perfect hair was starting to stick up.

It wouldn't have mattered to her, only it did, because Justin was her boyfriend and he had just witnessed her laughing at one of James Potters' jokes, an incident that James had already bookmarked in his mind as his proudest moment in a very long line of very proud moments. Justin shouldn't have been angry with her, but he was, because Lilly had spent twenty minutes that very morning convincing him that she thought James was an immature, pompous, and overdramatic womanizer that she despised.

"It was a really funny joke, Justin."

They stood among the moving portraits in the freezing hallway outside the Gryffindor common room. The wind howled outside and snowflakes silently pounded the glass, caught up in the occasional gust of wind. It was the last day of a frozen November, a day too chilly to be spent arguing outside, away from the warm common room fire in a stone cold hallway.

"How is 'Peter, your arse is almost as big as Sirius' head' a funny joke?"

"Because it's true," Lily said, looking apologetically up in Justin's angry eyes. She was angry with Justin for being angry at her, but also angry at herself for being sorry.

"Since when do you laugh at other people's expense?"

Lily _didn't_ laugh at other people's expense; that was one of the reasons she despised Potter. He brought out the absolute worst in her and in everyone around him.

"I don't know," she said, hanging her head. "I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted."

He turned back into the dorm. Lily sensed a satisfied air in the way he walked, broad shoulders held high, back straight, and she cursed herself for apologizing to him, because there was absolutely nothing to apologize for, and she hated that she felt like there was. She didn't, never had, and never would like Potter. Because that was undeniably true, there was nothing to apologize to Justin for and he could just sit in the common room alone because she wasn't following him in there.

She turned around, head held high, and walked away, into the freezing depths of the castle. She didn't know where she was going, but she was going there alone.

…

Remus Lupin was alone in the hospital wing. His only company was the sound and sight of the winter storm brewing outside, which he saw through the high glass window of the infirmary, and which he heard through the bandages covering his ears and wrapped around his scarred and cut forehead.

That month had been bad, but not horrible, as far as transformations went. The pain was something he could get used to, but the loneliness and isolation wasn't. His friends spent as much time as they could in the hospital wing with him, but when they were gone it was only him and the chilly air, him and his wounds, him and his horrible secret waiting to burst violently from him at the next full moon.

There was an open, shining tin-foil chocolate wrapper on his bedside table. It was a reminder of earlier in the day, before the storm had begun to brew, when Sirius and James had dropped by after an impromptu and completely against the rules trip to Hogsmeade. It was the kind he loved, and Sirius had proudly declared that he had been the one to remember his favorite chocolate flavor, not James.

He smiled a little at the memory, and wished that there was more chocolate in that wrapper, because he was sure it would be better company that the wind, snow, and cold that were his only companions.

…

Sirius Black did whatever and whomever he wanted whenever and wherever he wanted, regardless of rules and gender. But he didn't only do it because he wanted to, no; he also did it for the immeasurable satisfaction of disappointing and angering his parents until they nearly had massive strokes and died.

Unfortunately for him, his parents would never die because of his actions, because they had Regulus Black to be the cowardly, pampered Slytherin son they always wanted. Sirius refused to bend to his hated family's influence, because he didn't need any of them. He could live on his own, and he didn't need a family to care about him.

He sat in the common room next to James, laughing at the joke he'd just made about Peter's arse, because even though it made fun of him as well, any joke about that arse of Peter's was worth laughing at.

"Good one, mate," he said, slapping James a high five.

The only person absent from their group was Remus. Sirius felt an annoyingly prominent ache of guilt, as he always did when he left Remus alone in the hospital wing. The fire was warm and the arm chair he sat in hugged him from all sides, the room was full of chatter and the howls of the wind outside could barely be heard over the crackling of the fire and the voices of his fellow Gryffindors. If Remus was there he would be sitting on the couch, nose buried in a book, or deep in a chess tournament with him or James (Peter was too dull to compete with Remus in chess). He smiled fondly, remembering the last time Remus had beat him in chess with one of his brilliant moves.

Sirius knew that he was clever, but Remus was a true genius, and it showed. He was responsible, smart, dependable, and emotionally open. In essence, he was all the things Sirius was not, and that was why Sirius needed him near, because without those contrasts to his own personality, Sirius was too extreme, too much the rebel. He was sure that without Remus restraining all of them, they would have gotten killed in some horrible accident, expelled, or been arrested before their fourth year. He smiled at that thought, knowing Remus would agree whole heartedly, but didn't admit to himself that he missed his friend sorely.

"What are you doing?" James gave the parchment clutched in Sirius' hands an odd look, because Sirius never did homework.

"Writing to the dear family." A sadistic grin spread across Sirius' handsome face.

"Oh no," Peter said, a miserable look on his face. "If you get another howler, I'm not running it outside for you."

"Don't worry Pete, they're beyond sending howlers."

Peter's face was uncomprehending, but Sirius didn't bother to explain to him, because Peter never really understood anything.

"What're you writing them, dare I ask?"

"Oh nothing." But Sirius was too proud of himself to conceal this, so after a short pause he continued, "I'm just going to tell them that I'm bisexual now and currently sleeping with three guys."

"Wait… what?" Peter asked, looking up with small, confused eyes from where he sat on the floor.

"Oh, it's _mostly_ a lie," Sirius said.

James ignored the tiny confrontation going on between his two friends. He'd known about Sirius' bisexuality for the longest time. It went with Sirius' personality, he'd flirt and fuck anything that moved, be it girl, guy, or something in between.

Lily hadn't come back in the room yet, but her boyfriend with his splotchy, angry face was sitting by the fire and talking to some of his friends. James was tempted to listen in, but he didn't want to, because if they were saying anything even a little derogatory about Lily, he might hit someone like he did that time Jeremy Parkinson said she had man hands. His Lilly did _not _have man hands, and after he hit Jeremy in her defense, she hadn't even looked at him for a month.

"Don't be discreet or anything, man," Sirius said as he sealed his letter.

"What?"

"If looks could kill, Justin would be deader than I am after my dad reads this."

"I wish," James said. "That guy's such a git."

" 'K, I'm going to send this." Sirius grinned maniacally. "Hopefully I can get a fast owl."

…

A day later, Remus was out of the hospital wing and back in the circle of Marauders around the fire, chatting and kicking Sirius' arse in chess as if he had never been gone. Lily sat with Justin, James noticed, as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't told her the most hilarious joke she'd ever heard, and as if she wasn't in love with him, which she was. James just knew it, even if she didn't yet. Those green eyes couldn't possibly sparkle and flash the way they did when she looked at him if she didn't feel something strong for him.

At the end of the week, Sirius was planning a massive prank because his parents hadn't written back yet and he hadn't gotten in enough trouble that week. It was Friday night as he sat, sprawled on the couch while the rest of his friends took the arm chair or the floor, with his tie loosened around his neck and his cloak thrown over the back of the couch.

"We _have _to do something," he said.

"No we don't," Remus countered smoothly, not looking up from his book.

"_Yes _we do."

"It's after curfew."

"Well, then _you _should have thought of something to entertain me that took place _before _curfew."

"Ah, yes, of course," Remus said. "How could I forget to entertain you?"

There was a tone of assent in his voice. He told Sirius without words but with body language and inflection that he wouldn't interfere.

"I don't know," Sirius said. "You really should get on that right away."

James and Sirius began to confer and Remus listened in, making sure that the prank would cause no injury and involve no teachers.

"I say that we break into the Slytherins' dorm," James said, a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"And do what?"

James tilted his head in thought; he hadn't gotten that far yet, but he never got to think of anything because Sirius blurted out an idea.

"We let the frogs and mice from transfiguration into the Slytherin girls' dorm," he said.

"You're a genius."

"I know."

Sirius grinned in a self satisfied way, looking to Remus, who stared up at him from where he sat on the floor with a disapproving expression on his thin face. His pink lips barely twitched in a smile that was fighting its way onto his face.

"Wanna come, Remus?" Sirius asked casually, knowing that Remus would like nothing more.

"Well, I suppose I should make sure no rules are broken…." Remus trailed off in thought, looking up at Sirius' grey eyes, sparkling with playfulness, and knew that he couldn't resist joining them. "What the hell, why not?"

James and Sirius high fived, and the four friends snuck their way out of the dorm with James' invisibility cloak tucked beneath Sirius' robes.

…

The transfiguration room was as dark as the pitch black grounds outside the window; their every footstep could be heard echoing against the stones of the floors, walls, and ceilings as they gathered as many boxes of squeaking mice and hopping frogs as they could each carry. The waning moon bathed them in pale white light as passed under the windows while going about their business.

"Do you think I should take a few crows as well?" Sirius whispered in Remus' ear, making the other boy jump.

"Sure." They stood together in a pool of bright white moonlight coming from a high picture window, Remus' heart turned cold at the sight of it.

"Come on!" James whispered from across the room as he and Peter waited by the door.

"Wait, we're rounding up a few crows," Sirius said.

"Well, just hurry! We'll be outside."

The door snapped shut behind them and there was utter silence.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked, once again making the moon-bathed Remus jump in shock.

"No," Remus confessed. "I hate seeing the moon, especially so close to my last transformation. It just brings everything back, all the pain, and especially the feeling of not being able to control my ferocity. It's scary, and a little unnerving."

Sirius kept his back to Remus, gathering the sleeping crows and silencing them with a mutter of "_silencio_" before they could wake up and start calling. His back was rigid. Emotions were not his thing, he was not a fountain of feelings like Remus or James, and bottled up was how he felt things like this should be kept.

"Yeah," he muttered, his heart slowing as he realized what an insensitive wart he was and what an insensitive wart he would always be.

"Come on," Remus said lightly to his friend. "I don't need to be rambling about this."

"No, you don't," Sirius joked, glad that they were on lighter subjects.

Remus turned away from his friend and walked out the door, trying to keep a bounce in his step, and trying to stay happy. He knew that Sirius wanted him to be happy, he was almost certain of it, but Sirius didn't want to talk about how they felt. He wanted to push all their problems to the back of his mind and pretend like they didn't exist. Sirius didn't know that the only way to make his friend happy was to actually _act _like a friend with feelings, not like the idiotic and immature boys they usually were.

…

James was being funny again, hilarious even, as he recounted the tale of his last prank. Lilly was sitting close enough to Justin that he could feel even if she shook with silent laughter, which she was trying very hard not to do, because she couldn't admit to herself that James was funny.

"And that's why Narcissa had bird poop in her hair yesterday morning!"

The entire group around them laughed, excluding Remus and Justin. Lilly couldn't help it, she started to giggle, and James beamed proudly at her.

"The woman laughs!" He shouted, getting on a knee before her and taking her hand. "I knew I could make my lady laugh."

"Hey man," Justin said, standing up to his full height and staring menacingly down at James. "That's _my _lady."

"I'm not anyone's lady." Lilly stood up and stomped her foot on the ground angrily. Her cheeks were red, partially from anger, and partially from the attention that was being drawn to them.

"What are you saying?" Justin asked.

"I don't _belong _to you," she hissed.

"Well then, I guess you don't belong to anyone." He stalked off and out of the portrait hole. Lilly felt all the eyes in the room on her, including James' hopeful hazel orbs, and she didn't need that. She hated a public scene. She yanked her hand out of James' and rushed from the dorm, chasing Justin out into the hallway.

"Justin!" She called.

"What?" He snapped. "Why don't you just go back to Potter?"

"Look," she shouted at him. "I do _not _like Potter, but I can't help it if he's funny! You _can't _keep making me feel guilty every time I even talk to him."

"I can't help it." Justin's voice was softer, quieter. "He makes dramatic displays of love for you, and I'm not that kind of guy, I can't do that, and I feel like you like it."

"Justin, you know I hate a scene."

"But I don't really know that you hate _him_ as much as you say."

"Justin, why don't you believe me? Do you not trust me?"

His eyes fell to the ground and he contemplated the dust stuck in the smooth grooves of the stone that had been worn down by thousands of students passing through the halls.

"No," he answered softly, shamefully.

"Well then," Lilly said, her voice defeated. "If you can't trust me, then I can't be with you."

She walked silently away from him, into the common room where the crowd had mercifully broken up. People's eyes discreetly followed her, marveled at the sad red rings around her eyes and the tears that she wouldn't let fall.

"Way to go, Potter," she hissed as she stood in front of James, hating that she had to look up at him to deliver her hateful words. "Another relationship, failed, because of you."

"Doesn't that ever make you think that your relationships will keep failing until you have one with me?" He asked.

She glared at him and stalked away. James looked around the room, at his once adoring audience, but all eyes were averted from him. He looked to his friends, Sirius was reading a letter, Remus a book, and Peter was in the bathroom. None of them could offer the kind of comfort he needed, so he made the lonely pilgrimage to his dorm to contemplate his latest failure at winning Lilly's heart.

The letter in Sirius' hands shouldn't have been contemplated as seriously as he was contemplating it right then. It should have been read, laughed at, and tossed in the trash can or the fire. But, he was reading it, and in a moment of vulnerability he was actually letting the cursed words hurt him. He kept his expression hard as he read the letter, noticing vaguely that the ink seemed blacker than normal, darkly portraying the true hatred behind his parents' words.

_You are not our son and you never were. _

They shouldn't have hurt him, but they did.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus was looking up at him, pain for his friend plain in those wide, expressive amber eyes. Sirius hated that, for a split second, he considered complying.

"No," Sirius said flatly, his heart aching and freezing towards his friend all at the same time. "I don't." he stood up and rushed quickly out of the portrait hole, letter clutched tightly in his hand.

Remus was alone with his book, contemplating the vast chasm between him and Sirius; the chasm filled with loneliness, hidden emotions, and shared emotions. Outside the dorm, where he leaned against the stone wall and refused to let tears fall, Sirius contemplated that he'd let Remus get too close, because he'd _almost _considered telling the werewolf what he was feeling.

Inside their respective beds, with curtains drawn and dorm rooms locked, James and Lily thought of each other. Lily thought of how much she loathed James, or how much she _should _loath him. James thought of how much he loved Lily, and how much she _should _love him.

And, as the sun was setting on that Saturday, shooting the grey sky with brilliant oranges and purples, and bathing the ground with dark yellow and long, cool shadows, they all momentarily admitted to themselves how alone they truly were.

_A/N: So, what do you think? I'm thinking it was a little angsty towards the end, but what's a story without angst, I ask you? I'm trying pretty hard to make it at least somewhat humorous, but you know, my overdramatic angsting gets out of hand and seems to negate any humor that I (try to) insert in there. _

_So this story should be five relatively long chapters, I'm trying this new thing this summer where I write short stories in kinda-ish long chapters so I can actually finish some things and still get my ideas down on paper, because I seriously need to work on finishing my stories. _

_So, I'm a review whore, seriously. I'm already inspired, but reviews put my inspiration on illegal steroids, so REVIEW! ¿porfavor? : D _

_PS: Don't kill me for misspelling Lily's name once or twice ( I do that all the time because my friend's middle name is spelled Lilly) and for any grammar mistakes because this has only been checked once. _


	2. Chapter 2: Hogsmeade and a Note

The morning after Sirius received the letter, he was completely okay. At least, to everyone else he seemed perfectly okay. He dissected what he called his parents' "ridiculous ramblings" with James and, at the end of the conversation, jokingly asked him if he had a spare room for his oldest and best friend because he wasn't sure if he was still allowed at number twelve Grimmauld Place.

"Of course I do; my parents love you, remember?"

"Who doesn't?" Sirius asked.

"But they're gone over the holidays, so we're both stuck here."

"No problem," Sirius said, a lazy grin on his face. "I always spend Christmas here."

"I'll go write them right now."

James stood up to leave the table, leaving Sirius and Remus alone with Peter, who was focused intently on the fried sausage he was currently devouring.

"Did you see, there's a Hogsmeade trip in a few days, last one before break," Remus declared.

"Yeah, I did," Sirius answered. "I was thinking of buying one of those letters that bursts into flames that smell like farts from Zonko's and sending one to the parents." His eyes gleamed as he added, "and one to dear old McGonagall, of course."

"Do you _want_ her to take more points from Gryffindor?"

"How would she know it was me?"

"Come on, Sirius," Remus said with a small, fond smile. "That has you or James written all over it."

"No it does not!" Sirius said, indignation clear in his voice. "It could be anyone."

"Really, Sirius," Remus said. "You both lack subtlety, and the fart thing would be a dead giveaway."

"Oh, and you have subtlety?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"Well then, Remus Lupin," Sirius said with one of his playful grins that made his dimples appear. "I might need to employ your assistance for my next mischievous endeavor."

"Impressive vocabulary, Sirius," Remus said, eyes sparkling. "And, to reward you for the use of big words, I would love to help."

"Knew you would," Sirius said, eyes sparkling as he surveyed the smile Remus tried to fight off his face. "What would you do if you'd never met us, Rem?"

"Oh, I'd probably be much better off."

"Would not, and you know it."

Remus threw a greasy sausage at Sirius, who ducked and retaliated with a half-chewed piece of bacon. They both grinned at each other, and Remus was glad that they were still friends. The conversation from the night before was still tucked into his memory, but he knew that Sirius was determined to ignore it. Whatever it took, he would bring it up again and make his friend feel better, because he could see the red rings around Sirius' sparkling grey eyes and the unusual pallid tone to his skin. Despite all of his relief that they were still close, Remus couldn't help but feel an aching in his chest for his friend.

…

The day of the Hogsmeade trip dawned clear and bright, the ceiling of the great hall was a sheet of pearly grey clouds that glowed with the sunlight peaking through them. Sirius and Remus were some of the first in the queue at the front door. Filch eyed them suspiciously and had a scowl on his face as he allowed them to pass, his beady and suspicious eyes followed them as they avoided the piles of snow on their walk towards the gate.

Sirius got a gleam in his eye as he watched Remus, staring around at the evergreen coated in snow, a small smile on his face, which was pink from the cold. He turned to the side of the dirt path, where snow was piled at least a foot high, and scooped some of the powder into his hands. He carefully formed a snowball and threw it at the side of Remus' face.

It hit his cheek with a smack and slid down, now partially liquid, onto his shoulder. Remus turned to glare at Sirius, one side of his face now entirely pink from cold, and half of his hair matted to his head with freezing water. His cheeks heated up in embarrassment and Sirius began to laugh, clutching his stomach and doubling over with glee.

"You're face –," he cut off and gasped to catch his breath between giggles. "Is priceless!"

Remus narrowed his eyes and shoved Sirius' shoulders. He quickly lost his balance and tumbled into the pile of snow behind him, arms and legs flailing, a half-surprised, half-betrayed look on his handsome face. Remus grinned and stuck his pink tongue out at Sirius.

"You git!" He stood up, shaking the snow off his back in a move oddly reminiscent of his dog counterpart.

"You started it," Remus taunted.

"Oh you are going down," Sirius threatened, looking at his soaked and freezing cloak. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, but you are going to get it."

"I'm sure you'll forget about it tomorrow," Remus said mildly as they advanced towards the collection of snow-covered shops and houses that was Hogsmeade.

"Don't bet on it."

"Oh, I am," Remus said with a smile. "Let's go get a butterbeer and dry off before we decide what your prank is going to be."

"You mean _our _prank," Sirius corrected.

"No, I mean _yours_."

Remus pushed the door to the Three Broomsticks open and they were greeted by a rush of warm air and the chatter of happy customers. The bell over the door tinkled as they walked in.

"Hey, you're helping me with this," Sirius said. "It's ours."

"_No._" Remus spoke as if he was talking to an extremely slow individual. "It's yours, with a bit of help from me. I'm not getting too mixed up with this."

He walked up to the shining mahogany bar, Sirius behind him with a frown on his face, and ordered two butterbeers from Madame Rosmerta. Once he'd paid and they'd found seats at a small table bathed in dusty light from the window, they sat and began to discuss their plans.

"So what was wrong with the exploding-fart letter idea?"

"I've already _told _you, Sirius. It has you or James written all over it."

"Since when are you so interested in the success of my pranks, Rem?" Sirius gazed at his friend curiously over the rim of his mug of foaming butterbeer.

"Since your pranks may lose points for Gryffindor," Remus snapped.

"So, you're not the least bit concerned for my well being?" Sirius pouted at him.

"Of course I am, you idiot," he said, kicking Sirius beneath the table. A smile spread across his face as they leaned in closer, discussing in hushed whispers their plans for Sirius' holiday prank.

…

James was much later for breakfast than his companions had been that morning. Four days later, he was still mulling over what Lilly had said.

Had he really been responsible for the destruction of that many of her relationships? Was _he _the one responsible for making her lonely, unhappy, and not all the other boyfriends she'd had, as he'd previously thought? Could she possibly be as lonely as he was?

The thoughts plagued him like mosquitoes buzzing around in his head; he swatted them away, but they kept coming back, until he eventually gave up and let them attack the insides of his brain. He paid attention to nothing he was eating, and he was about to accidentally drink a bottle of ketchup instead of the coffee in front of him when he spotted Lilly walking into the room.

Her red hair glinted in the late morning sun. She looked happier than she had that night in the common room, but she still didn't look his way as she walked past him to sit with her friends. James instantly put the ketchup bottle down, not wondering why it was in his hands, and slid down to where she was sitting.

"Good morning, my flower," he said with a grin, plucking a piece of bacon off her plate.

"Potter," she said indifferently.

"Look, love, I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other night," he said.

"Don't call me 'love'," she said with an exhausted sigh. She picked at the scrambled eggs on her plate, staring at them and refusing to look at James.

"Well, _darling_, I can't help it if you really _are _my love."

"Just can it Potter."

She stood up and walked away to join the queue at the tall oak doorways of the great hall, leaving a plate full of food. James watched her go sadly, ignoring her friends' confused and angry glares, and picked a few more pieces of bacon off her plate before sliding back down the bench to where he had been sitting before.

In Hogsmeade Lilly was easily found at a table in the Three Broomsticks, but James wasn't in the mood to be rejected twice in the same morning, so he took a table with Peter and moaned to him about all of his woes.

"She just won't give me a chance!" he whined.

"She would like you if she did."

"I _know_! Everyone_ else _does."

"See, I think that's the kind of attitude that she doesn't like," Peter said softly.

"What do you mean?"

"All I'm saying is that you should try and be a little humble."

"Geez, someone's channeling their inner-Remus today," James said with a laugh.

"After years of listening to Remus tell you the same thing, it's not exactly too hard."

"Eureka!" James shot into the air, a broad smile back on his face. "I know what I'll do."

He dashed out of the warm pub and into the frozen streets, nearly slipping on the ice outside. Peter was left alone. He finished his butterbeer and then shuffled off to find Remus and Sirius.

Since when had those two spent so much time together, anyways?

…

The common room was full of people, with their faces pink from the cold and their pockets overflowing with sweets from Honeyduke's. Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter had met up again at their spot by the warm fire, each was exhausted from the trip, and each said almost nothing because of their exhaustion.

Remus relaxed lazily in a seat he'd pulled up by the fire, sitting crooked with his feet hanging over the armrest, a large leather bound book resting on his knees and his glasses flashing in the firelight.

"What're you reading?" Sirius asked curiously. He squinted at the golden text stamped into the book cover. "_The Obscure Ways of Werewolves_?" He asked, surprise coloring his tone. "Why would you want to read something like that?"

There was a pause in which James spotted Lilly standing up, yawning, and retreating to the girl's dormitories.

"Well, I'm off," James said before Remus could answer, leaping up and pulling Peter with him. "Peter and I have something to do, right?"

"Um, sure?"

"Of course we do. G'night."

The trotted off, up to the dorms, and Sirius wrinkled his eyebrows questioningly at James' back.

"I'm reading it because I want to find at least _one _werewolf that was good, _one _that history hasn't remembered as inherently evil and worthless. I'm on page 713 and I still have nothing." Remus gave a delayed answer to the question, a defeated tone in his voice.

_You'll find someone good. _

_Who cares? Historians are all ass holes. Everyone looks bad from their perspective. _

_You're good. That's all that matters. _

These were all things Sirius wanted to say, but instead he straightened up and said:

"Well, good luck with that. I'm off to the shower."

"I'm right behind you," Remus answered. "As soon as I finish this chapter."

Sirius glanced at the page and saw the chapter heading at the top: _Elmer the Evil: The Beginning of the Werewolf Purist Age._

After reading two and a half more pages about how Elmer the Evil hated everyone but his werewolf clan, Remus came to the dark end of the chapter, which was the tale of Elmer's slaying by a powerful good wizard. He marked his page and snapped the book shut, his eyes and mind tired. Tomorrow was the beginning of the Winter Holidays and he was staying at Hogwarts with James, Sirius, and Peter. He was determined to lay the book aside until after Christmas, because the holidays were for fun, not for brooding on your inherent and inescapable wickedness.

Upstairs, he walked into the dorms where James and Peter looked as if they were actually doing something important. They were sitting across from each other on James' bed, sealing a letter with wax. James had a gleeful grin on his face, Peter looked skeptical.

"What're you two doing?" Remus asked curiously after James giggled.

"I'm only winning Lilly's heart, for real this time."

"That's what you said last time, mate." He was skeptical at best.

"Your pessimism will not bring me down!" James declared.

"Whatever you say, James."

Remus gathered his things and headed for the showers at the very top of the tower containing the boy's dorms, a fluffy towel and a bar of soap in his hands. He could hear the showers going, and knew that Sirius would be in there. He just hoped that Sirius wouldn't do his rendition of Celestina Warbeck while Remus was trying to enjoy some peace.

"Hey," he said as he pushed the door open and walked in.

Sirius nodded to him, he was concealed from the knee up and from the shoulder down in a shower stall. Remus began to undress and hang his clothes on a hook outside a stall three doors down from Sirius', unaware of the curious grey eyes on him.

Sirius almost always inspected Remus whenever he could, not because Remus was so attractive (which he was, Sirius admitted to himself) but because he was always watching for new scars, new bruises, and new signs that the werewolf in Remus was still getting the better of him. Tonight, there was nothing new but the already present raised scar tissue on his pale torso and back. One sickeningly deep line ran from his shoulder blade, around his body, to rest just below his naval. Sirius shuddered.

"Water cold?" Remus asked.

"What? Um, no," Sirius said, caught off guard. He ripped his eyes off Remus.

Thoughts were entering his head at a mile a minute because, as he uncontrollably sought discreet glances at a completely naked Remus, he came to a revelation that had been hiding in the back of his mind for some time, a tiny inkling that on this night had exploded into a full fledged feeling. His mind reeled with the idea that he found Remus Lupin attractive.

He always had. This was his second mind numbing revelation. He'd always noticed the way Remus' hair shone, the way his thin body was still toned, the way his skin was smooth and soft save for the disfigurements running down it, the way his brown eyes weren't really brown, but a light, warm gold. It was also the way he curled up to read, the way his eyes expressed everything running through his head, the way his pink mouth curled into a dreamy smile at the sappiest Celestina Warbeck songs.

"Um, okay, bye then."

Sirius leapt out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his hips as quickly as he could, shaking out his shaggy mane of wet hair and barely drying the moisture from his skin before leaping into his pajamas. He was out the door, a slightly confused werewolf left in his wake.

"Okay then."

Remus rolled his eyes and continued showering.

…

James had the letter that Remus had been curiously inspecting clutched so tightly in his hands that he was leaving wrinkles in the thick, yellow, parchment. He'd dragged Peter up to the owlery for moral support and the younger boy babbled and bounced from foot to foot, trying to ward off the cold, as he picked one of the small, fast owls from the top of the tower.

"Deliver this to Lilly Evans tonight, in the Gryffindor Tower, girl's dormitories," he said to the owl, even though the address was written on the outside of the parchment in his untidy scrawl. The small owls were never exactly intelligent, and he wanted to ensure that the letter got to its destination that night. The owl hooted, its hoot sounded more like the chirp of a tiny bird, but James took this to mean that it understood. A few seconds later it took off into the night and he watched it go wistfully until it curved around the side of the castle, on its way to Gryffindor tower.

He was suddenly overtaken by a fit of nerves.

"Are you sure the letter was okay?"

"You need to talk to Remus about those kinds of things," Peter muttered. "It seemed okay, but you know I'm a dunce."

James grimaced momentarily at Peter.

"That you are. Come on, I want to get back before that letter gets to her."

He sprinted out of the owlery, leaving a blinking and surprised Peter behind. Peter eventually gathered his senses and waddled after him, out of the freezing owlery that smelled like bird poop, and into the equally as cold corridor.

…

The lights of candles glowed in the Gryffindor girl's dormitories. Lilly sat on her bed, throwing away her pictures of Justin, frames and all. She'd decided that, Potter or not, Justin was a jerk. The dorm around her smelled overwhelmingly of perfume and scented candles. No one else had come to bed yet, and she was all alone.

An owl swooped noisily in, tiny wings fluttering, and with loud hoots that sounded more like the chirps of tiny birds than an actual owl.

"Hey, little guy," she said fondly as he landed on her bed and stuck out his leg. She patted his soft head. "Are you sure you have the right person?"

She checked his leg and, sure enough, the note was to her. It was written in untidy scrawl that she was sure was James'. It just looked like him; messy, rushed, and pompous. She didn't question how a person's handwriting could look pompous.

"Oh, I guess it is for me. Well, thank you."

She took the note, dumped it on her bed, took the tiny owl on her arm, and stood up. She walked barefoot across the cold stone floor and released him through the open window. She half considered throwing the letter away, but instead she found herself sliding her finger under the wax seal to break it open.

"Dearest Lilly," it read.

"I love you. I know that you know this already, but I thought you should hear it without me making a scene and embarrassing you. Secondly, I thought that you should know that I'm an idiot and I'm sorry for all the grief I've caused you (I'm sure you were already aware of the former). Thirdly and lastly, I want you to know that I'm not giving up on you, even if I have to chase you until we're both a hundred.

"Forever yours,

"James"

In the corner of the note was a clumsily drawn rose that James had obviously put a lot of effort into. There was an arrow pointing to it and the words "I forgot to buy you a rose in Hogsmeade. Here's a drawing of one instead." were written above it.

Lilly folded the note and threw it away.

She fell back onto her pillow, extinguished her candle, and crossed her arms angrily over her chest. She would not be pathetic and cave after reading a short note, even though it made her heart melt and her guts twist. Besides, that gut twisting feeling was probably from eating a bad piece of tuna casserole at dinner.

She sat straight up, pulled the note from the waste bin, and stowed it in a drawer her bedside table. She slammed the drawer shut angrily.

She wasn't saving the note. She was just saving parchment.

_A/N: _

_I. Am. So. Tired. _

_I have about a million storie to update on here and on fictionpress. I'm taking them in cycles, so please don't hurt me for updating slowly. I only checked this once because, once again, I'm lazy and my eyes hurt. _

_Review. Because I'm a review whore and if you don't I probably won't bother uploading the next chapters, whenever I finish them.  
_


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